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My granddaughter Maddie, age five, loves to hear stories. She will sit next to me on the couch and request a story — scary, funny, or whatever — then will listen happily to whatever yarn I dream up on the fly, no matter how outlandish, improbable, or poorly-constructed.

Her sister Sarah isn’t so easy. Sarah is two. She is plenty old enough to understand the tales fairly well, but scary stories, even the milquetoast variety that I  create for Maddie, give her the willies.

A couple of weeks ago, the three of us were at my house, sitting upstairs in the reading room — the li-bry — when Maddie asked for a story. A scary story.

The two of them climbed onto the couch, one on each side of me, and waited for the performance to begin.

This is how it went down.

—————

Rocky: Once upon a time, there was a family, the Snootsburger family, who lived in a small town in Georgia. There was a mom, a dad, and two little girls.

Sarah: Woggie! Woggie!

Rocky: Yes, sweetie?

Sarah: Two little girls like me and Maddie?

Rocky: That’s right, just like you and Maddie.

Maddie: Sarah — shut up, okay? Rocky, ignore her. Get on with the story.

Rocky: The two little girls were named May, who was five years old, and June, who was two years old.

Sarah: Woggy, me two years old.

Rocky: I know you are.

Maddie: SARAH, SHUT UP! Rocky, go ahead!

Rocky: Early one evening, the Snootsburgers were watching television. It happened to be little June Snootsburger‘s second birthday. Well, Mrs. Snootsburger got up and went into the kitchen. But you know what? Everything got quiet, and she didn’t come back! May, the oldest girl, said, “Hey — where did Mom go?

Sarah: Woggy, where the mama go?

Maddie: Sarah, SHUT UP so he can explain it! That’s part of the story, get it?

Rocky: Take it easy, Maddie. She’s two, you’re five.

Maddie: I didn’t interrupt the stories when I was her age.

Rocky: That’s because it was just you back then.

Sarah: Woggy, where the mama go?

Rocky: Well, when Mrs. Snootsburger didn’t return from the kitchen, Mr. Snootsburger said, “I’ll go see what’s going on.” And he did. Then, a minute later, everything got quiet again, and Mr. Snootsburger — he didn’t come back, either!

Sarah: (Apprehensively) Woggy, me scared!

Rocky: But at that very moment, the kitchen door opened, and the mom walked in!

Sarah: Her come back!

Rocky: Yes, safe and sound.

Maddie: This story isn’t very scary.

Rocky: The girls said, “Mom, you came back! But where is dad?” “Dad?” said the mother. “What about Dad? I thought he was with you! You mean… HE’S GONE??”

Sarah: Me scared!

Rocky: But at that very moment, the kitchen door opened, and the dad walked in!

Sarah: Him came back, too!

Rocky: Yes, he did. And the dad said, “What’s going on here? What’s all the ruckus? Is something wrong?” And the mom said, “Well, dear, we didn’t know where you were, and we were worried.”

Sarah: Woggy, where him go?

Maddie: SARAH, FOR CRYIN’ OUT LOUD, SHUT UP!!

Rocky: And the dad said, “Hey, what’s the big deal? I just went into the kitchen for a moment. Watch this — I’ll do it again.” And he went back into the kitchen. Suddenly, everything got quiet again. And the little girls said, “Dad! Dad! Where are you!” But the dad didn’t answer.

Sarah: Him gone again.

Rocky: Yes, and everything got quiet. So Mrs. Snootsburger said, “I’d better go check on him.” And she went into the kitchen, and everything got quiet, and she didn’t come back.

Sarah: Woggy, is a monster in kitchen? Is a monster get them?

Maddie: Yeah, Sarah — a horrible monster was in there, and it ate them. They’re history.

Sarah: Woggy, me scared!

Rocky: But at that moment, the kitchen door opened, and the mom and dad appeared, safe and sound. And the dad said, “Girls, you’ll never believe what we found in the kitchen! Hurry, come see!” So all four of the Snootsburgers went into the kitchen, and guess what they found?

Maddie: Monsters — horrible monsters! Four of them!

Sarah: What in kitchen, Woggy?

Rocky: It was a huge surprise birthday party for little June Snootsburger! All of their family and friends were there, and they all yelled, “Surprise! Surprise! Happy birthday!”

Sarah: Yay! Her get birthday presents?

Rocky: Oh, yes, she got tons of presents from everybody. But her favorite gift of all was a book from Grandpa Snootsburger — a big book of stories about brave little girls who defeated all the scary monsters that got in their way. The end.

Sarah: Me not scared of monsters. Me get a stick and chase monsters away. Me say, ‘Better run, monster!’

Maddie: Rocky, I have a question. That was a happy family story. What happened to the scary story?

Rocky: Maddie, you know how Sarah is. She gets spooked, and I have to tone it down. The next time, when it’s just you and me, I’ll tell you a story so scary, it will curl your toes.

Maddie: Well, bring it on — Grandpa Snootsburger!

Sarah: Woggy not a Snootburg! Maddie a Snootburg! Sarah not a —

Maddie: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Rocky, where do you keep the sidewalk chalk?

Grandpa Telling Stories by Norval Morrisseau, 2006.