Mr. Write's Page

Universal truths that you learned from the movies…

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It’s easy to land a plane, as long as you have someone in the control tower to talk you down.

It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.

Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of the average citizen.

In every pair of identical twins, at least one of them is born evil.

If you decide to defuse a bomb, don’t worry which wire to cut; you will always choose the right one.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will remain clearly visible, but slightly bluish.

If you are blonde and pretty, you can be a world-renowned nuclear scientist or brain surgeon at age 22.

Honest, hard-working policemen traditionally are gunned down three days before their retirement.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated methods and devices (giant gears, pulley systems, fuses, deadly gas, laser beams, man-eating sharks, etc.) that allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

Once applied, lipstick will never rub off, even if the woman is scuba diving.

You’re very likely to survive any battle in any war, unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman begins to clean his wounds.

If a large pane of glass is in a scene, someone will be thrown through it before long.

Women staying in a haunted house will investigate strange noises in their most revealing undergarments.

All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

Bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you pass will know all the steps.

A laptop computer is powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight. Your opponents will attack you one by one, and the others will dance around in a threatening manner until you have eliminated their predecessors.

No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion ever goes into shock.

Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s in the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

Television news programs usually run a story that affects you personally at the precise moment you turn on the TV set.

An electric fence carrying a charge sufficient to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.