Mr. Write's Page

At the risk of casting a pall over Mother’s Day, I feel compelled to present the following. If you have a mother, or had one, take note.

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When you came into the world, she held you in her arms.
You thanked her by wailing like a banshee.

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you.
You thanked her by crying all night.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holiday.
You thanked her by walking through a mud puddle.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school.
You thanked her by wailing that you didn’t want to go.

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it through a window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream cone.
You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old, she drove you wherever you needed to go.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car without looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she told you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by watching them after she left the house.

When you were 13, she bought you clothes that were more adult-looking.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by neglecting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how to drive her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by talking on the phone with your friends.

When you were 18, she cried at your high school graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she drove you to the college dorm.
You thanked her by saying goodbye outside so your friends wouldn’t see.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
You thanked her by saying, “Some things are MY business, Mom.”

When you were 21, she asked you about your plans for the future.
You thanked her by saying you intended to have a better life than she had.

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by borrowing money for a last fling to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you some furniture for your apartment.
You thanked her by calling it worn and dated.

When you were 24, she met your fiancé and asked if it were serious.
You thanked her by rolling your eyes and saying, “Mother, please!”

When you were 25, she cried at your wedding and said how much she loved you.
You thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice about the baby.
You thanked her by saying, “We do things different now.”

When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative’s birthday.
You thanked her by saying you were “really busy right now.”

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by letting her know what a burden she had become.

And then, one day, she died.
And everything you did, and never did, came crashing down like thunder.