Mr. Write's Page

EAST PATCHOGUE, NEW YORK — Nicholas Lalla, 32, swore out a complaint against his estranged wife, claiming that she had attacked and slapped him. According to police, Lalla played a clandestine audiotape he had made of the attack. On the tape, slapping sounds are heard while Lalla yells, “Don’t hit me!”

When police confronted Mrs. Lalla with the audiotape, she played for them a clandestine videotape she had made of Mr. Lalla staging the audiotaping. On the video, he is shown standing outside the house, alone, slapping himself and yelling “Don’t hit me!”

Mr. Lalla faces charges for filing a false report.

SOUTH MEMPHIS, TENNESSEE — Joseph Hayes, 48, was arrested after allegedly threatening the hostess of a birthday party after she ran out of ice cream and cake.

“Y’all didn’t save my kids no damn ice cream and cake,” he was heard to say.

According to police, Hayes left the party and returned with a handgun. He allegedly confronted the hostess, lifted his shirt to reveal the weapon, and stated, “I ain’t scared to go to jail. Just take care of my kids.”

Later, Hayes told police he did not have a gun — just an object that looked like one when tucked into his pants. He was arrested on a charge of aggravated assault and held on $30,000 bond.

KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI — Dr. Donald Hinton, 35, a graduate of the University of Kansas School of Medicine and a board-certified psychiatrist, told reporters in February that Elvis Presley is alive.

Hinton said he has been treating Presley for migraine headaches, among other ailments, for the past five years. Dr. Hinton claims he has DNA proof and denies he is running a scam.

When a reporter asked Elvis Presley Enterprises at Graceland about Hinton’s claim, he was told that Elvis is “still in the garden.”

Hinton later self-published a book, co-authored by Elvis, about their relationship. The Missouri Healing Arts Board opened an investigation of Hinton, but closed it without filing charges.