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I’ve never added up the nights I’ve spent below the rim at Grand Canyon, whether in a sleeping bag, dorm, or cabin. I’ve been going to the Big Ditch regularly for 19 years, so the number is getting up there. A guess: maybe 60.

Last week, I had plans to add two more nights to the total. But alas, the House of Reprehensible — specifically, the Republicans in the House of Reprehensible — sabotaged my trip.

Please note that the government shutdown wasn’t caused by “Congress” or “the politicians,” although most of the news people frame it that way. No, the shutdown is 100 percent on the Republicans. They thought it up and did it all by themselves.

Before I go off on the mindlessness and mean-spiritedness of the conservative mentality, let me explain how my hike to Phantom Ranch, which is at the bottom of Grand Canyon near the Colorado River, got aborted.

Phantom Ranch is a magnificent oasis along Bright Angel Creek. Each day, a hundred or so people have reservations to stay there and groove on the Canyon. The place consists of a campground, a handful of rustic cabins, hiker dorms for men and women, and a restaurant/beer hall. You get there on foot, by mule, or via the river.

Reservations for Phantom Ranch are made on the first of the month, 13 months in advance. In my case, I made reservations the morning of September 1, 2012, and I booked two nights at the hiker dorm in October 2013.

It works like this: You dial and redial the phone number, usually hundreds of times, always getting a busy signal. Then, after an hour or two, you miraculously get through to the switchboard.

If you are unlucky, Phantom Ranch is already booked solid for the month in question; if the gods are merciful, meals and a bed will be available sometime during the month. In my case, I was able to make reservations for October 1 and 2, 2013.

13 months later, I drove west to Arizona. I arrived at the South Rim of Grand Canyon on September 30, checked into the Bright Angel Lodge, and reported to the Transportation Desk, the official sign-in station for Phantom Ranch.

During the drive west, I was well aware that the Republican jackals were scheming to shut down the government. It was expected — a part of their normal delusional behavior. But, fool that I am, I thought I would be safe if I could get inside Grand Canyon National Park before the shutdown occurred.

I was scheduled to begin the hike down to Phantom Ranch early on the morning of October 1. I figured I would be halfway down the trail by the time the gears of government ground to a halt.

But, as the dude at the Transportation Desk signed me in, he explained the reality of the situation.

“If they shut down the government tonight, all trails below the rim will be closed immediately,” he said. “They closed the park entrances about an hour ago. No one else is being allowed into the park.”

“We’ll know by bedtime whether the shutdown will happen. If it does, I’ll give you a refund in the morning. If it doesn’t, you can head for Phantom Ranch.”

“And I’ll tell you what I tell all the hikers: don’t get any funny ideas. If anyone plans to get up early and head down the trail anyway, they’ll be facing a fine and trespassing charges.”

After that sobering news, I retired to the Bright Angel Lounge and had a few beers.

By bedtime, we all knew our collective fate. The shutdown was on, and the park would be closed in 48 hours. All trails leading into the canyon were closed.

The next morning, I got my refund and spent a couple of hours walking along the rim trails, taking photos — photos of the same scenes I took on my previous trip, and the trip before that, and the trip before that. I can’t help myself.

After lunch, I decided to exit the park at the east end. That way, I could take advantage of the scenic drive along the rim and stop at the viewpoints along the way.

But the park police wanted everyone out, pronto. Every parking lot along the east rim drive was blocked with orange traffic cones. The authorities were trying to encourage the tourists to hasten their departure.

In practice, this had the opposite effect; since the visitors couldn’t use the normal parking spots, they merely stopped their cars along the roads and walked to the overlooks. This caused traffic to back up and further delayed the departure of the tourists and the closing of the park.

So, I drove all the way to Grand Canyon with my cherished reservations, but I didn’t get to use them. I might as well have stayed home and saved a thousand bucks.

It’s hard for me to get too exercised about missing out on the hike. I’ve done it a dozen times. It’s a blast, but I know practically every step of every trail. And I can always book another trip, albeit 13 months from now.

But I do get exercised when I think about people who were going to Grand Canyon for the first time. People who flew to the canyon from Maine or Germany or Japan, and who might not be able to make the trip a second time, and who wasted a lot of money for nothing.

And I get angry about the Republicans, the mean and selfish Republicans, whose philosophy, by any standard of normalcy, is perverted and preposterous. Delusional lunacy.

Their worldview is driven by the myth of the welfare queen. They believe our national problems will be solved if we only stop giving money to undeserving black freeloaders. It’s that simple.

The Republican politicians are easy to understand. They don’t really believe the crap they espouse. They are just professional shills, working diligently, and quite successfully, to separate the conservative masses from their money.

And what about those masses, the herd of conservative voters who elect the jackals in the first place?

Conservative voters are not particularly stupid people. They just don’t use their brains for thinking.

They listen to the propaganda, and they elect people who will stoop so low as to sabotage their own government.

I weep for the future.