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LONDON, ENGLAND — A meerkat expert at the London Zoo has been convicted of assaulting a monkey-handler in a love spat over a llama-keeper.

The incident occurred at a Christmas party for zoo employees. Caroline Westlake reportedly attacked Kate Sanders with a wine glass in a dispute over Adam Davies, who had dated both women. Westlake was sentenced to 12 months of community service and ordered to pay restitution to Sanders, who was cut in the incident.

Westlake, who was fired, said Sanders punched her first, and she didn’t remember hitting Sanders with the wine glass.

HARARE, ZIMBABWE — A new winner has been crowned in Zimbabwe’s annual “Mister Ugly” contest, upsetting supporters of the reigning champion and crowd favorite.

Judges chose 42-year-old Mison Sere, citing his numerous missing front teeth and a wide range of grotesque facial expressions. Sere defeated William Masvinu, who had held the title since 2012.

Masvinu protested that Sere is not ugly enough to win. “I am naturally ugly,” said Masvinu as his supporters yelled insults at the judges. “He is ugly only when he opens his mouth.” Much pushing and shoving was reported, but no injuries.

“Do we have to lose our teeth to win?” shouted Patrick Mupereki, another contestant. “This is cheating!”

LANCASTER, PENNSYLVANIA — A 65-year-old local man faces a range of charges after police found him drunk and naked in a neighbor’s hog barn.

“I just like pigs,” Larry William Henry told the responding officers.

Henry is charged with indecent exposure, criminal trespass, and public drunkenness. He was released on $25,000 bail. According to court records, Henry was banned from the same farm after he was found trespassing there in 2011.

When the officers arrived and detected the odor of alcohol, they asked Henry if he had been drinking. Henry admitted he drank a six-pack of beer.

According to the police report, the beer was Hamm’s.