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MENDEN, GERMANY — In a retirement email sent to colleagues, a German civil servant admitted that he “did nothing for 14 years” while collecting a total of about $800,000 in salary. The man, 65, a surveying engineer, said he was left with nothing to do after his bosses hired a second engineer 14 years ago.

“I well benefited from the freedom that came to me,” the email said. “I’m going to be well prepared for retirement. Adieu.”

The city mayor said he felt a “good dose of rage” when he saw the email because the man never informed his superiors about the situation. Although no action was taken against the retiree, his job was eliminated due to budget cuts.

DODOMA, TANZANIA — Newly-elected President John Magufuli, who ran on a platform of curbing wasteful government spending, is making good on his promises.

In November, Magufuli banned all government offices from printing and sending out Christmas and New Year cards. He said the money should be used to “pay citizens and other creditors for goods and services rendered.”

In other austerity measures, Magufuli cancelled independence day celebrations by government offices and restricted official travel. He also confiscated $100,000 that was set aside for a party to celebrate the opening of parliament and used it to buy hospital beds.

No perks for you!

TOKYO, JAPAN — A tree knocked down by a typhoon cut through the netting of the squirrel enclosure at the Tokyo Zoo, allowing 30 red squirrels to escape.

After days of tracking and trapping the escaped rodents, a spokeswoman said the zoo had recaptured 38 red squirrels.

Red squirrels are not native to the island of Honshu, where Tokyo is located. “We will continue setting traps as long as people keep reporting squirrel sightings to us,” the spokeswoman said.

When asked to explain the discrepancy in the count, zoo officials came up with three possibilities: they miscounted how many squirrels escaped; they captured squirrels that had escaped earlier and were living wild; the squirrels had reproduced.