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Archive for the ‘Regular Features’ Category

Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see, the world hath more fools in it than ever.

Charles Lamb

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As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. We move toward a lofty ideal. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

H. L. Mencken

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It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

Aristotle

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Idealism increases in direct proportion to one’s distance from the problem.

John Galsworthy

Lamb-C

Lamb

Galsworthy-J

Galsworthy

 

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MANCHESTER, NEW HAMPSHIRE — A Manchester man faces felony charges after he chased one of his neighbors with a sword.

Police said the victim knocked on the assailant’s door to complain about loud music. The assailant became enraged and produced a 30-inch sword. He chased the neighbor down the hall and into the street, brandishing the sword in a threatening manner.

The neighbor escaped without injury. Manchester police filed charges of criminal threatening.

Sword-wielder

BUNNELL, FLORIDA — A Florida man has been arrested and jailed twice in one week for impersonating a law enforcement officer.

The 60-year-old man was first arrested after he used a fake law enforcement badge to avoid paying a $2 highway toll. Under state law, police officers are exempt from the tolls. The man was charged with impersonating an officer, jailed, and released on bond.

Days later, he flashed the fake badge a second time at another toll station. When the attendant produced a newspaper clipping about the first arrest, the man paid the toll, but was arrested for the attempt.

The second arrest earned him another charge of impersonating an officer, plus felony violation of pre-trial release. He was jailed without bond.

Toll

LAS CRUCES, NEW MEXICO — A 48-year-old woman faces multiple charges after she stole a car and claimed to be the pop singer Beyoncé Knowles.

Police said an officer saw her driving a vehicle matching the description of a recently-stolen car. He ordered her to pull over, but she drove away. The officer followed and confronted her when she stopped in front of her residence.

The woman told the officer she was Beyoncé Knowles. She said she noticed the keys were in the vehicle, and she decided to take it for a joy ride. She told the officer she didn’t stop when he turned on his emergency lights because she “didn’t feel like it.”

She was charged with unlawful taking of a motor vehicle, concealing identity, and resisting or obstructing an arrest.

Beyonce

 

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The Questions…

1. What is an anemometer?

2. In ancient Rome, what color signified that you were of high status?

3. What was the “Notre Dame Shift“?

4. What dice game from the 1950s was invented on a yacht as a game to be played on a yacht?

5. What is the world’s longest international border?

The Answers…

1. A device, dating back to the 1400s, that measures wind speed and direction. The term comes from the Greek word anemos, which means wind.

2. Purple. In those days, purple dye was made from snails, which was an expensive process, so wearing purple indicated you were a big shot.

3. It was a football strategy used in the 1920s by Notre Dame coach Knute Rockne in which all four backs went in motion prior to the snap. The opposing teams were bamboozled so completely that the Shift was banned from college football — a victim of its own success.

4. Yahtzee, of course. The game was dreamed up by a wealthy Canadian couple as a way to entertain friends aboard their yacht.

5. The border between the U.S. and Canada, which is 5,525 miles long.

Anemometer

Border

 

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Tune o’ the Day

In 1987, Pink Floyd released “A Momentary Lapse of Reason,” the band’s first album after founding member Roger Waters quit in a huff in 1985. The new album was David Gilmour’s chance to show his creative stuff and poke Waters in the eye.

Gilmour used the album to take Pink Floyd in a more political direction. An example is On the Turning Away,” which laments how humans ignore the suffering of others.

The song did well, the album was popular in the US and UK, and most critics liked it. Waters, of course, opined that it stunk.

While that was going on, Waters sued Gilmour and the rest of the band over the legal right to the name Pink Floyd. Late in 1987, in an out-of-court settlement, Waters backed down. No doubt he was compensated handsomely.

Momentary

On the Turning Away

By Pink Floyd, 1987
Written by David Gilmour and Anthony Moore

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won’t understand.

“Don’t accept that what’s happening
Is just a case of others’ suffering,
Or you’ll find that you’re joining in
The turning away.”

It’s a sin that somehow,
Light is changing to shadow
And casting its shroud
Over all we have known,

Unaware how the ranks have grown,
Driven on by a heart of stone.
We could find that we’re all alone
In the dream of the proud.

On the wings of the night,
As the daytime is stirring,
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord,

Using words you will find are strange,
And mesmerized as they light the flame.
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night.

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary.
No more turning away
From the coldness inside.

Just a world that we all must share.
It’s not enough just to stand and stare.
Is it only a dream that there’ll be
No more turning away?

 

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Special “I’m Still Offended That This Fool Was Elected President” Edition

Fuhrer

8645

Changing

Mensch

Angel loses

Free Melania

One in three

Fired

Demagogues

Supercallous

Great again

Never trust

 

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The taverns are full of gadabouts making merry this eve. And though I may press my face against the window like an urchin at a confectioner’s, I am tempted not by the sweetmeats within. A dram in exchange for the pox is an ill bargain, indeed.

From the diary of Samuel Pepys during the Great Plague, London, 1665 (Not really. The quote is a spoof. See comments below.)

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If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.

— Will Rogers

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What good is the warmth of summer without the cold of winter to give it sweetness?

— John Steinbeck

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Between too early and too late, there is never more than a moment.

— Franz Werfel

Pepys S

Pepys

Franz Werfel

Werfel

 

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The Questions…

1. In a traditional deck of playing cards, three of the kings and two of the jacks sport mustaches. Which king and which two jacks are not mustachioed?

2. Which U.S. Presidents and Vice Presidents have won Pulitzer and Nobel Prizes?

3. What is a piccolo trumpet?

4. What is cryptozoology?

5. What color is “falu red”?

The Answers…

1. The king of hearts, the jack of clubs, and the jack of diamonds are clean-shaven.

2. John F. Kennedy won a Pulitzer in 1957 for his book Profiles in Courage. Four Presidents have won Nobel Prizes: Theodore Roosevelt in 1906, Woodrow Wilson in 1920, Jimmy Carter in 2002, and Barack Obama in 2009. Vice President Al Gore won a Nobel in 2007.

3. A piccolo is a small trumpet pitched one octave higher than a standard trumpet. A piccolo trumpet was used in Penny Lane by the Beatles.

4. Cryptozoology sounds scientific and serious, but it’s really a pseudoscience that ponders the existence of mythical beings such as Bigfoot, the Yeti, and the Loch Ness Monster. No real science here, folks. In this usage, “crypto” means hidden.

5. It’s the shade of red typically known as “barn red,” similar to “brick red.” The color comes from hematite, an iron oxide found in rocks and soil. The pigment that creates the color was discovered in the copper mines of the Falun province of Sweden.

Cards

Falu red

 

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Tune o’ the Day

The British rock band Supertramp was, and still is, a rare group that performs without a front man. They are content to go on stage as musicians who get equal billing.

Actually, Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson wrote all the songs and essentially were in charge over the years, but neither made a big deal of it.

A few years ago, I posted a Tune o’ the Day featuring “The Logical Song” from Supertramp’s best-known album, “Breakfast in America.” The tune below, “Goodbye Stranger, is also from “Breakfast.”

Supertramp is still around, led by Davies and minus Hodgson. Their glory days are over, but their songs have held up well. Memorable stuff.

Supertramp-3

Goodbye Stranger

By Supertramp, 1979
Written by Rick Davies and Roger Hodgson

It was an early morning yesterday.
I was up before the dawn.
And I really have enjoyed my stay,
But I must be moving on.

Like a king without a castle,
Like a queen without a throne,
I’m an early morning lover,
And I must be moving on.

Now I believe in what you say
Is the undisputed truth.
But I have to have things my own way
To keep me in my youth.

Like a ship without an anchor,
Like a slave without a chain,
Just the thought of those sweet ladies
Sends a shiver through my veins.

And I will go on shining,
Shining like brand new.
I’ll never look behind me.
My troubles will be few.

Goodbye stranger, it’s been nice.
Hope you find your paradise.
Tried to see your point of view.
Hope your dreams will all come true.

Goodbye, Mary. Goodbye, Jane.
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame.

Come tomorrow, feel no pain.

Sweet devotion, it’s not for me.
Just give me motion and set me free.
And land and the ocean far away.
The life I’ve chosen every day.

So goodbye, Mary. Goodbye, Jane.
Will we ever meet again?

Now, some they do, and some they don’t,
And some you just can’t tell
.
And some they will
, and some they won’t.
With some it’s just as well
.

You can laugh at my behavior.
That’ll never bother me.
Say the devil is my savior
But I don’t pay no heed.

And I will go on shining,
shining like brand new.
I’ll never look behind me
.
My troubles will be few.

Goodbye stranger, it’s been nice.
Hope you find your paradise.
Tried to see your point of view.
Hope your dreams will all come true.

Goodbye, Mary. Goodbye, Jane.
Will we ever meet again?
Feel no sorrow, feel no shame.
Come tomorrow, feel no pain.

Sweet devotion, it’s not for me.
Just give me motion and set me free
.
And land and the ocean far away
.
The life I’ve chosen
every day.

And now I’m leaving. Got to go.
Hit the road
. I say it once again,
Oh
, yes, I’m leaving. Got to go.
Got to go, I’m sorry I must tell you
.
Goodbye, Mary
. Goodbye, Jane.
Will we ever meet again?

 

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Vermont

Score

Anybody else

Qualifying

 

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One of the most horrible features of war is that all the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting.

George Orwell

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Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.

Winston Churchill

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If you can’t explain it to a six-year-old, you don’t understand it yourself.

Albert Einstein

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I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells.

Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel)

Orwell

Orwell

Geisel TS

Geisel

 

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