Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

I teach

Unfriend

Honk

Buckle up

 

Read Full Post »

MANCHESTER, NEW HAMPSHIRE — A Manchester man faces felony charges after he chased one of his neighbors with a sword.

Police said the victim knocked on the assailant’s door to complain about loud music. The assailant became enraged and produced a 30-inch sword. He chased the neighbor down the hall and into the street, brandishing the sword in a threatening manner.

The neighbor escaped without injury. Manchester police filed charges of criminal threatening.

Sword-wielder

BUNNELL, FLORIDA — A Florida man has been arrested and jailed twice in one week for impersonating a law enforcement officer.

The 60-year-old man was first arrested after he used a fake law enforcement badge to avoid paying a $2 highway toll. Under state law, police officers are exempt from the tolls. The man was charged with impersonating an officer, jailed, and released on bond.

Days later, he flashed the fake badge a second time at another toll station. When the attendant produced a newspaper clipping about the first arrest, the man paid the toll, but was arrested for the attempt.

The second arrest earned him another charge of impersonating an officer, plus felony violation of pre-trial release. He was jailed without bond.

Toll

LAS CRUCES, NEW MEXICO — A 48-year-old woman faces multiple charges after she stole a car and claimed to be the pop singer Beyoncé Knowles.

Police said an officer saw her driving a vehicle matching the description of a recently-stolen car. He ordered her to pull over, but she drove away. The officer followed and confronted her when she stopped in front of her residence.

The woman told the officer she was Beyoncé Knowles. She said she noticed the keys were in the vehicle, and she decided to take it for a joy ride. She told the officer she didn’t stop when he turned on his emergency lights because she “didn’t feel like it.”

She was charged with unlawful taking of a motor vehicle, concealing identity, and resisting or obstructing an arrest.

Beyonce

 

Read Full Post »

Special “I’m Still Offended That This Fool Was Elected President” Edition

Fuhrer

8645

Changing

Mensch

Angel loses

Free Melania

One in three

Fired

Demagogues

Supercallous

Great again

Never trust

 

Read Full Post »

Vermont

Score

Anybody else

Qualifying

 

Read Full Post »

One of the most horrible features of war is that all the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting.

George Orwell

###

Success is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.

Winston Churchill

###

If you can’t explain it to a six-year-old, you don’t understand it yourself.

Albert Einstein

###

I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells.

Dr. Seuss (Theodor Seuss Geisel)

Orwell

Orwell

Geisel TS

Geisel

 

Read Full Post »

HEALDSBURG, CALIFORNIA – In February, a storage tank at a Sonoma County winery sprung a leak, sending thousands of gallons of Cabernet Sauvignon gushing into a creek and downstream into the Russian River.

The winery said the spill involved 20 to 25 percent of the contents of a 97,000-gallon tank, or about 20,000 to 25,000 gallons of wine.

State authorities said all wine in the tanks on the property was relocated, and the tanks are being inspected. The winery also assigned a contractor to pump wine out of the river.

Officials said the Russian River is noted for swift currents and muddy water in the winter, which will help dilute the spill. No fish kills have been reported, but the acidity of the wine is expected to kill some insect and plant life.

An investigation is underway to determine possible charges and penalties.

Winery

OWOSSO, MICHIGAN – A Michigan man who paid $20 for a used couch at a thrift store discovered more than $40,000 in cash hidden inside a cushion.

Howard Kirby bought the couch at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore for his man cave. He noticed that one spot on a cushion was lumpy, so he opened a seam to investigate. Inside were envelopes of cash totaling $43,170.

Although the money legally was his, Kirby said he wasn’t comfortable with keeping it. He got the name of the couch’s donor from ReStore, contacted her, and gave her the money.

The woman said the couch had belonged to her grandfather, who died recently. She said the grandfather always preferred to pay cash, but no one knew about the money.

To thank Kirby for doing the right thing, neighbors and local businesses re-roofed his house.

Couch money

ORLANDO, FLORIDA – An Orlando man on his way to go boating stopped at a 7-Eleven to gas up, but pumped the fuel into a fishing pole holder instead of the gas tank.

Police said the man pumped $60 worth of gasoline into the holder and onto the floor of the boat, then put another $40 worth of gas, correctly, into the fuel tank of his truck.

When the sloshing fuel in the boat was discovered, the station made an emergency call to Orange County Fire Rescue. A hazmat team responded and siphoned out most of the gasoline. No injuries were reported.

Fuel spill

 

Read Full Post »

WATERLOO, IOWA — An Iowa man and a wildlife sanctuary are engaged in a legal battle over the custody of an adolescent coyote named Drifter.

Matthew Stokes said he found Drifter last spring after the young coyote became separated from his mother. Stokes said Drifter helps him deal with anxiety and depression, and he obtained a letter from his doctor claiming that Drifter is an emotional support animal.

Recently, when Drifter was roaming loose, a neighbor captured him and took him to the wildlife sanctuary. “This is not an emotional support animal,” said the director, who warned that Drifter will be dangerous when he matures and his predatory instincts kick in. The sanctuary wants to return Drifter to the wild.

As legal proceedings approach, Stokes has applied for a license to keep a dangerous animal and possibly get Drifter classified as an educational animal.

Coyote

CEDAR ISLAND, NORTH CAROLINA — Three cows thought to have died last fall in Hurricane Dorian recently were found living in the Cape Lookout National Seashore on the Outer Banks.

Park staff said the cows had to swim across five miles of open water to get there.

The three survivors were part of a herd of 20 wild cows living on private land on Cedar Island. No trace was found of the other cows or of 28 wild horses that lived with them.

A Park spokesman said the cows survived by foraging on the barrier island’s vegetation.

The cows are not accustomed to humans and flee when people get too close. Eventually, they will be sedated and returned to Cedar Island by boat.

Cows

WAUSAU, WISCONSIN — The Wausau City Council is expected to decriminalize snowball fights within the city limits, tweaking a 1962 ban on throwing dangerous projectiles.

The ban included snowballs to prevent people from throwing them at passing cars, but technically, it also bans snowball fights between mutual combatants. Reacting to a series of news stories making fun of the city, the council is expected to fix that.

In a TV interview, the Wausau police chief said his officers have never enforced the ordinance in cases of friendly play. “A fun snowball fight is a fun snowball fight,” he said.

The chief then turned and nailed the mayor in the back of the head with a snowball.

Snowballs

 

Read Full Post »

Workee

Friends

Visiting

Enjoy

 

Read Full Post »

This Just In

MENOMONIE, WISCONSIN — A BASE jumper who parachuted illegally from the top of a cellphone tower ended up calling the police for help after his parachute got caught on a guy wire, leaving him dangling 50 feet in the air.

Police said the 20-year-old man jumped from a 300-foot Charter Communications tower. After his rescue and treatment at a local clinic, he was arrested for criminal trespass.

Note: BASE is an acronym for the most common fixed objects from which the jumpers launch themselves: buildings, antennas, spans, and earth (mountains, cliffs). BASE jumping occasionally is permitted, but most jumps are done illegally by grandstanding knuckleheads.

BASE

LINCOLN, NEBRASKA A 19-year-old female set her apartment on fire while burning love letters from a former boyfriend.

Police said the woman sat on the floor of her bedroom and used a butane torch to burn the stash of letters, then went into another room to take a nap. She woke up later to find the carpet burning.

Firefighters quickly extinguished the blaze, which caused an estimated $4,000 in damage to the building. No injuries were reported.

The woman was cited for negligent burning.

Burn

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA — A woman who dreamed she swallowed her engagement ring woke up to discover it actually happened.

The newly-engaged San Diego woman said she dreamed she was aboard a train and was approached by “bad guys” attempting to steal the ring. To thwart them, she swallowed the ring with the help of a glass of water.

When she awoke the next morning and discovered that the ring was missing, she called her fiance. They went to an urgent care clinic, where an X-ray confirmed the location of the ring. An emergency endoscopy retrieved it.

Ring

 

Read Full Post »

Got it

Please wait

Unplug

Sorry

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »