Dr. Cara Barker, a former nurse, now an author, lecturer, and shrink, recently interviewed a group of 40 children to find out what they think about their families and their world.
Dr. Barker said nobody ever asks kids what they think. She suspected they might have something to say.
Dr. Barker observed, “Beyond what Art Linkletter dubbed ‘Kids Say the Darndest Things,’ our kids also say the most beautiful things, the most relevant things, the most useful things.”
Here are some excerpts from her interviews. The children are answering the question, “What do you wish grown-ups knew?”
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Annie, age 5: “They need to send my new baby brother back where he came from. He cries too much. Then they could play with me and we’d all be happy. It’s a lot of work to be a big sister. No one told me about that part.”
Alexi, age 5: “Little kids need grandpas. Mine comes back to see me sometimes, but I can’t tell anyone.” (To ‘Why is that?’) “I told them the first time he came after the ‘funeraling,’ but they told me not to make things up. He really did come to see me and winked. It made me feel better. Big people should believe you. Maybe grandpa would come see them, too, and then they’d feel better.”
Andy, age 8: “My dad shouldn’t worry so much. I’m scared he’ll get sick. I don’t want to move, but it’s okay with me if my dad doesn’t have to worry about his job. My head hurts when he worries.”
Marlee, age 10: “Moms should know when their kids are lonely and sad, like the boy in ‘Where the Wild Things Are.’ Moms need to throw away their phones. Okay, that’s dumb. But they need to unplug it. Moms need to rest and not stress us out.”
Brad, age 14: “Dads should be more than tourists in our lives. They probably think we’re pushing them away. But we need to know they’re there when things get dicey. I wish they knew everything is moving too fast out there for us. I wish they knew they need to turn off the news. Like the Fort Hood massacre thing is terrible. Hearing it over and over is too much.”
Mary Jo, age 15: “I wish parents knew how hard we try to get good grades and make them happy. When I get a B, they don’t say anything, not like when I get As. I wish parents would just stop fighting. Or at least remember their kids are listening. There should be a ‘parent pill,’ where they could learn to chill. Oh, also, I think dads should be nicer to the mother, even if they are divorced. It makes us feel bad when they are mean to our moms.”
Jeremy, age 16: “I wish parents knew we worry about them. When they lose their job, we don’t need to go to the big-bucks places. It would be awesome to just sit and play board games, and have popcorn. That’s cheap if you make it yourself.”
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Something to say, indeed.
Dr. Barker submitted this personal story with her report.
“23 years ago, our daughter demonstrated that we, as parents, had much to learn. As my husband walked through the front door, with a bit of an uncharacteristic growl in his tone, our three-year-old, with her arm in a newly-acquired sling, watched Dad harrumph around the kitchen.
“She told the two of us, ‘I was so stupid! I slipped on the ice and did this to my arm!’
“As her dad tried to make amends, she patiently listened. She quietly beckoned him over to her. She threw her arms around his neck and said, ‘Daddy, do you think you can forgive yourself?’
“The incident has become part of our family lexicon, not only about self-forgiveness, but about how attuned our children are. We would do well to pay attention.”
Marble sculpture in Frogner Park, Oslo, Norway, by Gustave Vigeland.
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