Mr. Write's Page

During a river trip in 1997, a group of passengers compiled this list of the “Best Ways to Prepare for a Grand Canyon Raft Trip.”

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One week before your trip, have a yard of sand delivered to your home. Sprinkle it liberally in your bed, in dresser drawers, and on kitchen and bathroom counters.

Top off salt shakers and sugar bowls with sand and use them as usual.

Place a garbage can lid of sand in front of a fan and run it at maximum speed.

Sit on the hood of your car while riding through a car wash.

Practice beating beer cans down to the size of a hockey puck.

Have your friends form a line. Systematically pass the entire contents of your home out the front door and in the back door.

Line your sandals with sandpaper and spend two hours a day on a Stairmaster.

Drape all your clothing on the bushes and rocks in your back yard.

Twice a day, change clothes as your neighbors watch.

With 27 friends standing in the shallow end of a swimming pool, practice looking nonchalant as you carry on a conversation and pee simultaneously.

Always answer “yes” to the question, “Do you see any rocks?”

Always answer “no” to the question, “Does anyone want to go on a power hike?”