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Archive for the ‘Regular Features’ Category

This Just In

WELLINGTON, NEW ZEALAND — A man who was lost at sea after being knocked overboard in rough seas saved himself by using his trousers as a flotation device.

German brothers Arne and Helge Murke were delivering a yacht from New Zealand to Brazil when the boom unexpectedly swung and knocked Arne into the water. High winds prevented Helge from maneuvering the boat to reach his brother, and the current carried Arne out of sight.

Arne took off his trousers, made knots at the ends of the legs, and trapped air inside, creating an improvised life vest. A rescue helicopter located him about three hours after he was knocked overboard. He was unharmed.

Luckily, I knew the trick with the jeans,” he told the New Zealand Herald. “Without the jeans, I wouldn’t be here today.”

Life jacket

SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO — A Delta Air Lines flight from San Juan to New York was forced to return to the airport after an unruly passenger ran down the aisle shouting “I am God!”

Delta officials said the 30-year-old man was aggressive and tried to enter the cockpit. He claimed he was God and said San Juan was going to disappear the following day.

“I came to save the world!” he shouted. “I am going to end terrorism!”

The man was restrained by flight attendants and passengers. The case was turned over the U.S. Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the flight continued after a two-hour delay.

Flight Disturbance

DEERFIELD BEACH, FLORIDA — Members of a Broward County family were awakened at 4:00 AM by a loud thud when something landed on the roof of their house. When they investigated, they found 15 pounds of frozen ham, pork chops, and Italian sausage.

The meat was wrapped in five packages. Two were found in the yard, and three were on the roof. The packages were addressed to William Land Service in Sarasota.

“I called them,” the homeowner said, “and the guy had no idea what I was talking about and probably thought I was crazy.”

No explanation of the incident has surfaced.

ODD Meat From The Sky

 

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Tune o’ the Day

Richard Lester, the director of the second Beatles movie “Help!” said he wanted to make a film in the vein of the Marx Brothers’ “Duck Soup.” He delivered a madcap story about members of a sinister cult chasing Ringo because a sacred ring needed to perform sacrifices was stuck on his finger.

The working title of the 1965 film was “Eight Arms to Hold You.” According to a cousin, Lennon came home one night and said, “God! They’ve changed the title of the film. It’s going to be called ‘Help!’ now. So I’ve had to write a new song with the title called ‘Help!'”

Paul McCartney gets credit as co-writer, but he acknowledged that the song was Lennon’s baby.

Lennon elaborated in 1980. “I just wrote the song because I was commissioned to write it for the movie. But later, I knew I really was crying out for help.

“So it was my fat Elvis period. You see the movie: he — I — is very fat, very insecure, and he’s completely lost himself. And I am singing about when I was so much younger and all the rest, looking back at how easy it was.”

Amazing. Lennon was asked to conjure up a usable song with the title “Help!” and he delivered something this good.

Help

Help!

By The Beatles, 1965

Written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

Help! I need somebody.
Help! Not just anybody.
Help! You know I need someone.
Help!

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now, these days are gone, and I’m not so self-assured.
Now I find I’ve changed my mind. I’ve opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down.
And I do appreciate you being ’round.
Help me get my feet back on the ground.
Won’t you please, please help me?

And now my life has changed in oh, so many ways.
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then, I feel so insecure.
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down.
And I do appreciate you being ’round.
Help me get my feet back on the ground.
Won’t you please, please help me?

When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody’s help in any way.
But now, these days are gone, and I’m not so self-assured.
Now I find I’ve changed my mind. I’ve opened up the doors.

Help me if you can, I’m feeling down.
And I do appreciate you being ’round.
Help me get my feet back on the ground.
Won’t you please, please help me?

Help me, help me, Ooh.

 

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The Questions…

1. What is a lunette?

2. From 1987 until 1995, twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen played the role of young Michele Tanner in the TV series Full House. As the girls matured, what special accommodation became necessary on the set?

3. Lake Baikal in Siberia, at one mile deep, is the world’s deepest lake. What other superlative does Baikal have going for it?

4. Movie trailers have been around since 1913, when the Loew’s theater chain showed the first preview of an upcoming film. If previews are shown before the feature film, why are they called “trailers”?

5. Why is the Statue of Liberty green?

The Answers…

1. A lunette is the thing on a guillotine that holds the subject’s head in place. It consists of a bottom half, where the neck rests, and an upper half, which is lowered onto the back of the neck to immobilize the subject.

2. The twins lost their baby teeth at different times, so they had to be fitted with prosthetic teeth to maintain the same appearance.

3. It’s also the world’s oldest lake at some 25 million years old.

4. In the old days, trailers were shown after the feature film ended. That was a short-lived practice, since most people were busy leaving the theater and didn’t pay attention, but the name stuck.

5. The statue turned green because of oxidation of the copper. The original color in 1885 was dull brown. 30 years later, the green patina had formed. It protects the copper from further erosion.

Execution By Guillotine Taking Place

SL

 

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I'm Not

Treble

Putin-Trump

Reel

 

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Quotes o’ the Day

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

— Eleanor Roosevelt

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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.

— Ambrose Bierce

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Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

— George Gordon, Lord Byron

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By the time a man realizes his father was right, he has a son who thinks he is wrong.

— Charles Wadsworth

Roosevelt E

Roosevelt

Wadsworth C

Wadsworth

 

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This Just In

NAIROBI, KENYA — In April, the officers on duty at a police post in western Kenya locked up the station and went in search of a place to watch the European soccer championships on television.

They took radios with them to receive emergency calls and ended up at a shopping mall, where they watched two quarter-final matches.

When they returned to the station, they discovered that thieves had broken in and stolen three rifles and several boxes of ammunition. Disciplinary action is pending.

Kenyan police

PHNOM PENH, CAMBODIA — As the growing season began in Southeast Asia, Cambodia’s two royal oxen predicted a plentiful harvest.

In an annual ritual presided over by King Norodom Sihamoni, the royal oxen, dressed in ornate robes and headdresses, plowed a field and then were given offerings in ceremonial bowls.

A Hindu priest said the oxen ate 85 percent of the rice and beans and 90 percent of the corn offered to them, indicating that a bountiful harvest will ensue.

Royal oxen

SHANGHAI, CHINA — A China Southern Airlines flight departing Shanghai was delayed five hours after one of the passengers threw coins into the air intake duct of one of the engines.

As the passengers boarded, an 80-year-old woman tossed a handful of coins at one of the engines, which was not running. The woman told police she threw the coins as a prayerful gesture for a safe flight.

The passengers disembarked while the ground crew inspected the engine and retrieved the coins.

Police later said the woman, who was traveling with family members, had no criminal record or known mental health issues. The airline hasn’t decided whether to file charges.

Coins

 

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Tune o’ the Day

The English poet George Gordon, Lord Byron popularized the phrase “time, the avenger” in the 1880s. If you’re like me, however, you probably think of Chrissie Hynde and the Pretenders when you hear it.

Their song “Time the Avenger” is the story of a married businessman who has an affair, drinks to numb his feelings, eventually realizes that time is no longer on his side, and ends up on the street with his possessions in a briefcase.

The tune is from the 1984 album “Learning to Crawl,” the group’s first album after two of the four original Pretenders died of drug overdoses and Hynde had a baby.

The album, made with a new line-up, was a big success and, as you can imagine under the circumstances, heavy on retrospection. Chrissie had a lot on her mind.

Her daughter, by the way, was learning to crawl at the time.

Learning to Crawl

Time The Avenger

By the Pretenders, 1984
Written by Chrissie Hynde

Nobody’s perfect.
Not even a perfect stranger.
But, oh, what a gal.
She was such a perfect stranger.

And you’re the best in your field,
In your office with your girls
And desk and leather chair.
Thought that time was on your side.
But now it’s time the avenger.

Nobody’s permanent.
Everything’s on loan here.
Even your wife and kids
Could be gone next year.
And with what you have left,
You’ll be forever under pressure
To support her.
And a lover who looks strangely
Like time the avenger.

Time, time, hear the bells chime
Over the harbor and the city.
Time — one more vodka and lime
To help paralyze that tiny little tick, tick, tick, tick.

Nobody’s perfect.
Not even a perfect gent.
When your property took the A Train,
I wonder where your manners went.
You were standing at the station.
In your briefcase was your aftershave and underwear.
Can you hear the whistle blow?
Sounds like time the avenger.

Time, time, hear the bells chime
Over the harbor and the city.
Time to kill another bottle of wine
To help paralyze that tiny little tick, tick, tick, tick.

 

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